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Indian Married Life
The undercurrents!
It is foretold! The torrential flow of inexorable destiny!
How to bring up children?

Another individual What to fill the new computer

Choosing between An input of English music

The positive effects Causative of squint

The intermittent annoyance Visual inputs

Learning swimming When the windpipe gets blocked

Developing sense of balance Getting attuned to nature

Independence Mature response

Securing from immature Discourage attempts to create division

Exposing to conducive attitudes Preventing doubtful cultural qualities

The benefits of reading Physical and mental battering

Advises, obedience & rebellion The enduring incentives of conversational walks

On using anomalous terms On the major theme of education

Medium of education Inputting information

The liberal attires Gender issues

Hassle-free physical training Allowing boisterous attitudes

Viewing good TV channels On learning music

Learning computers Learning typing skills

Revering your child Indoor games

Solitary pursuits Each child as a separate individual

Parameters of masculinity & femininity Examples and exemplary stances


Another individual with same emotions: All parents should have a basic understanding that their children are not their material possessions, but individuals in their own right, having their own feelings, who have the same sensations of pain, vulnerability, shame, ego, individuality etc. A child, when he or she is born to a couple, is doing them a favour by coming out as their child, on whom they can shower affection, and attention. However, this person is not one to be battered with unspeakable words or unbearable physical assaults. The parent always had a choice to have a child or to go without one, but whether the child had a choice, we don’t know.

The general attitude of a parent when a child is due is to think that there is some one coming who can be used as functionary of one’s wishes when he or she grows up. Moreover, after the initial days of exquisite petting, in the days of infancy, the training on the child is for this purpose. If the attitude of the parents is that of a slave master, in time, the child would grow up into the exact antithesis of what was aimed for. Yet, due to the external pressures exerted by the society, this underlying mentality may not be very discernible, until some incident happens which would bring out the contradictions.

What to fill the new computer: What all parents should understand is that when they get a newborn baby, they are getting an absolutely fresh brain or, let us say a computer with nothing inside it, including viruses. They have the choice to fill this exquisite computer with good things, or they can fill it with filth, and viruses. Here they have a tremendous responsibility. But sadly, very few, in fact, very, very few parents do rise up to the occasion. What they do is to inflict on this new brain all the nonsense, which they themselves are aware of, and irritations that they are themselves are accustomed to.

Choosing between the mediocre and the exceptional inputs: In our country, where the standard levels are of the mediocre, it is very much difficult to stand out of the herd. But the parents who would dare to take a stand and see that only the best is given to the child’s brain as intellectual input, would reap the seeds of a very mature and contented individual growing up as their child, who they may treat, not as their slave, but as their affectionate companion. Here, by intellectual, I mean not the programming of crass, stereotyped, half-baked, pseudo-intellectual ideologies, but by the dynamic and vibrant liberal mental inputs. In which, the mind grows, not with inhibitions and fears, but with freedom acquired from lack of disturbances and harassment.

Now we can move beyond the realms of philosophy and go beyond into the basics.

There is no need here to go into the basic things that a parent should do when their child is born. For, almost everyone knows them.

An input of English music: It is known that music is good for the growth of the child’s brain. From the early days itself, let a soft music be allowed to play near the place where the child is sleeping or lying. A cassette of good English nursery rhymes is what I would recommend. You may notice that the child is aware of the soft tones. It is said that music does improve the mathematical part of the brain. And, if it is possible, you may try this musical atmosphere, when the child is in the mother’s womb itself. Possibly, it may have a benign effect on the general growth of the foetus.

At the same time, when the child is yet to be born, see that the mother does not get any mental tension, due to the effect of unkind words, or attitudes of anyone including the in-laws.

The positive effects of gracious communication: From the moment the child is born, start communicating with it. Don’t talk stupid things or nonsense. Instead, talk of the many things in nature, with a level of sound intelligence. There is no need to go in for buffoonery, or comic pretensions. The curious mind of the growing child will be eager to grasp all the new inputs. Let the child be taken to many corners of the area around the house and shown each and everything, and the name and functions may be told to it. One may be surprised to know, that the child would be imbibing all these information, with a level of fine intelligence. The moon, the stars, the sun, the mountains, the valleys, the vehicles and many other things of everyday life can be brought into this discussion. The child’s brain’s hardware connections will go on increasing and becoming complex as it gets exposed to more and more information. And it may be noted that maturity is heavily dependent on exposure to experience.

Causative of squint and other connected themes: When the child is lying in the cradle see that there are no things of bright colours in a specific direction, which attracts the attention of the child. For, such things, if they become sources of perpetual attention, could cause squint. And if there is squint in children, it may be remembered that it is easily curable through a minor medical procedure, if treated at an early age.

Another thing to note is that, when the child is being kept on the bed, or on the mat, the head should not always be in the same direction or slant. For, if the same position is always maintained, then a flattening of the head could develop on the side, which is constantly pressing on the mattress.

The intermittent annoyance: Don’t allow each and every visitor to take the child in his or her hands. Politely, insist that the child does not like it. Understand that, many persons do find an infant child, and for that matter, even big children, as ideal preys for practising their buffoonery and bullying. It is the duty of the parents to see that they don’t get the chance to do it. For, the parent is responsible to the child, who has reposed its complete security in the persons who have chosen to be its parents.

Visual inputs: If the parents have vehicles, then it would be good to take the child out in it, whenever there is a chance to do it. For, the variety of visual inputs that the child will receive would do tremendous good to the growing brain.

Learning swimming at an early age: There is another thing, which can be done by some parents, but definitely not by all. That is, to teach the child to swim in water, at a very young age. Actually, it can be started at an age younger than one year, by introducing the child to the feel of being in water. And with careful supervision, the swimming instincts can be developed. But only parents who are good in swimming themselves, and know the intricacies involved in it should attempt this. Never allow this training in the absence of parents or of some other responsible and intelligent person. Moreover they should also understand the basics of treating a person who may have imbibed some water. At the same time, it may be remembered that if the child has learnt the basics of swimming, it becomes a sort of conditioned reflex, which will remain with the individual till the very end of his life.

When the windpipe gets blocked: At times a child may be eating a toffee, which may suddenly get suck in its throat. The immediate effect of this is that the child will be unable of inhale in air; that is, there would be respiratory block. The child would be seen trying to gasp and grasping the air, with both the hands and legs stretched. This is actually a minor accident, if the aspects of saving the child are properly understood. Take the child in the left palm, on its front part, and then give a slap to the back of the body. The toffee will be seen to eject out, with some force. What happens is that when the back is slapped, the rib case compresses, and the air in the chest cavity eject out with force, pumping out the blocking toffee from its path.

Or, a slight, sharp push to the diaphragm, from the lower side to the upper side, can also do the same trick. But, if instead of doing anything like this, the people around start making a wail and cry and run with the child to the nearest doctor, who may be quite, some distance away, then the accident may not be of minor significance.

When doing the back slap, bear in mind that the slap should not fall on the back of the head, for in case it falls there, the medulla oblongata will be damaged leading to more severe conditions. And the slap need not be violent. A soft one may suffice.

Developing sense of balance and equilibrium: During the early infancy, give enough opportunities to the child to build up its capacity of balancing, on its legs. Put him or her on the top of small walls, with careful supervision, so that the child’s brain gets a feel of what it means to stand in the absence of the natural factors of equilibrium. This training also, may be done only with very careful supervision, and never on high places.

Getting attuned to nature: If the child does not have any innate disposition to illness, then it would not be a bad idea to allow the child to get slightly accustomed to such natural things as the rain, if the place of residence is far away from places of atmospheric pollution. In either case, the first few rains of a rainy season should be avoided, as they can cause illness in anybody. And again, it must be emphasised that this type of things should be done only with children who don’t have any natural tendency to catch fever and other illness, at the easiest opportunity.

Independence in a secure mental atmosphere: Allow the child a lot of independence. Let him (or her) be allowed to play on his (or her) own, without adult pestering. Do not allow any bystander or visitor to snatch a thing from its hands and make him or her cry for it. Also, don’t allow anybody to come and nudge or pinch it, so as to make it show emotions, of distress and irritation. Believe me, when I say that each such sense of irritation and distress is being programmed into its mind, as a source of reference.

Mature response to intelligent queries: The child may have a lot of curious questions to ask. Don’t allow a sense of silliness to hinder your duty to answer the questions with all the seriousness it deserves. Don’t bother if anybody else is finding it ridiculous that you are answering the child as if it were an adult person. For, the child is yours to improve, and not his or hers to misguide. When answering your child’s questions, do not go in for silly and idiotic answers. Answer in the most intelligent and comprehensible manner, and you will find that the next question of the child to be from that level.

Securing from immature attitudes: One of the things, you should protect your child from is the general attitude of silly persons who don’t have much in their heads to come and bother your child with incessant and unnecessary questioning, to extract answers which are most obvious. Usually these persons ask silly questions, and crowd around it to hear it answer, and then they burst out into the most boisterous laughter, as if the child has perfumed a bit of the most comic buffoonery. Some persons would just not allow the child to stand on its feet, but would unnecessarily take the child up. Others would pinch the cheeks, pull the ears and fondle the chin. When all these things are done by unknown persons and that too frequently, it can be a disturbance to the child, as it can be to anyone else. In all these cases, it may be understood that if the adult person admits that he is dealing with another individual, and exhibit a display of maturity in communication, immediately the child will also reciprocate and start behaving accordingly. But instead, if the adults aim to extract only the buffoonery from the child, it is needless to emphasis that the child would only exhibit this part of the personality.

Discourage attempts to create division: One of the things, the parents should never do is to ask the child, which of the parent he or she likes best. And also, don’t allow anyone else to ask such questions to the child. Usually the child will answer that he or she likes both the parents equally. But some misguided persons may go on pestering to make the child make a comparison and express a favour for one of them. See that such persons don’t have much access to communicating with your child. And you should always talk of both of you, the parents, as one.

Exposing to conducive attitudes: There should be continuous expressions of affections for your child from you. And also, an expression of deep mutual affection for your spouse should also be exhibited in the presence of your child. In fact, this display of mutual respect and endearment between the parents is a thing, which would give a lot of mental security to your child. As mentioned earlier, the best thing a father can do to the child is to have love for its mother. And on the mother’s part also, the effect is similar.

Preventing persons of doubtful cultural qualities: See that your child is not made the companion of all persons, of all kinds of standards. By standards, I mean the mental and cultural standards. For, persons of different cultural and social standards have different conceptions of how to behave to children. For, example a woman who has lived as a housewife, keeping a low profile and more or less kept in subjugation by her family members will have her own ideas as to how a female child should be communicated to. In most cases, this may be just a reflection of how she is being treated. In general, it may be borne in mind that persons, who are unintelligent and are in suppressed social environment would not, in many cases, allow a young child much individuality, unless it is the child of someone who they maintain as a social superior. In the latter case, they may like to treat the child with the same superiority as they display to their parents, which also is not an ideal level of communication. Let your child be a companion of persons, who are of the type, you would like to be with.

It is not good that you allow your child to move in the company of all children that your child may have chanced to become friendly with. In this, you should have your own ideas as to what type of company he or she should have. A little help should be extended to your child, in getting these friends, even if it means that you should take your child to the house of such children and take the initiative to introduce them to your child. But, this factor of choosing a friend for your child may not be easy in small villages, but in big towns and cities, it is not a problem, for, there are enough and more persons there, to choose from.

The benefits of reading: Reading to your child is a very good thing, which can have long-term benign effects on the development of the mental calibre of your child. Parents who are good in English should read English stories also to their child, for, an early initiation into English comprehension, is a very good thing that a parent can do to their offspring. While reading, let the parent take real interest in the stories, and if possible display the same type of passions the child is getting as the story develops.

Physical and mental battering: Let there be more of laughter and less of despondency in the general atmosphere of the child. Do not use snapping tones, or hurting words to your child. If unnecessarily hurt by the parent, by spiteful words and if it a regular pattern, a sort of lump in the throat of grief and wretchedness could stifle a child’s personality. Continuous assault with such effect could have serious negative effect on the mental and physical growth of a child. He may have feeble voice, and suffer from an inability to move among his companions with composure, in the presence of his parents. Moreover, the chance of his or her brain going to a programme of despondency and despair, in later life in the presence of his parents and their voice, is very much there. The aim of the intelligent parent should be to improve the stature and self-esteem of the child, as much as possible. By doing so, they in return get a son or daughter who is capable and of well balanced mental and physical capacities.

Advises, obedience and rebellion: It is good to tell the child, about all the dangers one may discern, all round the place. A child, who has been brought up in a free environment would immediately absorb all the points and would stick to the parental guidance. But, a child who had the experience of rebelling against the parental ill-treatment may not easily imbibe the spirit of advice, for he or she may see in it a chance to exhibit his or her resentment for some other parental action.

The enduring incentives of conversational walks: Whenever, anyone of the parents is having time, take the child for long walks. Let all these walks be interspersed with talking between the child and the parent on various subjects. Always talk on positive things, and sweet subjects. At the same time, let the child also have some understanding of the problems of the parents, at a minor level. The parent should build up within himself or herself a sort of respect for the growing intellect of the child. But it would be a grave mistake to make the child a showpiece to all the others in the neighbourhood, or among the family friends.

On using anomalous terms: In many of our vernacular languages, there are many words, which may mean both intimacy and also, a downgrading of a person. It is better not to use such words to your child; not because he or she may feel inhibited by those words, but that it gives the same licence to the others in the vicinity to behave likewise to your child.

On the major theme of education of children: Now in our country, having a stature is not a thing that everybody appreciates. Especially, if other attributes like good financial background, family status etc. doesn’t go with it. When putting your child in a school, this may be a major concern if you have brought up your child with a dignified personality. For, not all schoolteachers are equipped to tolerate such individuality in children. For, many persons go in for teaching in our country, when they have exhausted other options. Or they find this as a shortcut to social veneration.

Actually, this problem is more in the vernacular, government schools, many of which are just meant to serve as sources of earning for the so-called teachers. But then there are good teachers also, but there may be numerically insignificant.

Among the private schools also, one need to scrutinise the quality of the environment, a school can provide. This really depends on the quality of the teachers, and not on the fine buildings that the management has been able to build. And the quality of the teachers, has no connection with the academic qualification, they may have, for they do not mean much. In this regard, an understanding of what the parents need to inculcate in the child would help.

But on the whole, in our country, it may be said that the private management schools provide better quality education than the government ones. And, generally the English medium is better than the vernacular medium.

Medium of education: Along with this, the question of what medium of education should be provided to your child comes in. By all means, go in for the English medium. For one, it provides your child with a window to the world which he or she can open at will and browse the whole horizon of knowledge. Otherwise, he or she would be accessing this horizon through the eyes of mediocre translators, who may have their own vested interest in seeing that your child doesn’t learn English. Secondly, your child will be less susceptible to the inhibitions that naturally exist in the form of hierarchy in the vernacular languages. More can be discussed on this topic, but then it may go beyond the requirements of this book. {See my other books}. But, always bear in mind that the political leaders, and the bureaucrats of our country, all see that their children get the best English education, either here or have then educated in English-speaking countries like England, America etc., while at the same time declaiming the virtues of the vernacular to the common folk here.

Inputting information: Actually, in the very early years itself the parents can make the child used to words and pictures, by reading and showing the words and pictures. And, simple arithmetical problems can be solved using the fingers, in a playful manner. Let the child just watch, and you will be surprised that actually the child is absorbing the facts that you had shown, for the next day itself, the child will be asking you questions in regard to these things.

The liberal attires: Now we come into the question of the attire of your child. It is always good to go in for the modern dressings, which include the shorts, shirts, pants etc. For boys it may not be a problem, but for girls living in small towns and villages, modern dressing may be a problem, for the others in the society may feel intimidated, and hence may try to disturb your daughter by indulging in verbal abuse from the roadsides. But, if the parents and their daughter have the mental guts, then there is no reason, that being in a small town or village should inhibit a female from wearing the dress of their choice. Girls can then have a wide variety of dresses to choose from, like the skirt, frock etc. in addition to the dresses mentioned above. In this context it may be mentioned that modern dresses, especially in the case of girls, give more freedom of movement, which may come in handy in moments of danger, like when the bus or building is on fire. Or when they want to go in for games like football etc. And hence, it is good for the female child to get used to these types of dresses at an early age. It may be noted that many of the girls in the cities are used to these types of dresses.

There is a general atmosphere in many families to show a distinction between the stature of the male and female children. In such families, boys are sometimes thought of as of more value, while the girls are given training in subdued behaviour. And in some houses, the reverse takes place, wherein the girls are given more value than the boys, even though this attitude is very rare. Both these attitudes are wrong, and in modern times, it is good to bring up both genders with equal importance.

Gender issues: An early induction to the habit of reading should be made in your children. In bringing about this habit, both the parents should take deep interest. Try to give only interesting books, which have a readable quality to it, to the child. Don’t start with patriotic and moral books, for in most cases they are badly written, and may turn off the reading habit of the growing child. In this case, the books of Enid Blyton may be tried, for it has been seen that her writing does catch the child’s imagination, and put him or her on a track of the reading habit. There are many similar books available of similar quality, which can grip the child to this habit.

Hassle-free physical training: Along with this, right from the pre-school years, you should take your child to the public park or maiden, if there is no space in your compound, and make him or her do some running and jumping games, which he or she would enjoy immensely. These things could help your child built up his or her stamina, and muscles, which may stand him or her in good stead in later years.

Allowing boisterous attitudes: Allow your child to talk loudly and clearly. Don’t snap at him, if his or her voice is loud, for let them give enough and more exercise to their voice boxes, when it can be done at an age when it won’t cause much offence. And in most such cases, the children would grow up with a refined voice, which is not a bad thing in itself. But teach them also the etiquette of how to use this sound in a very inoffensive and peaceful manner.

Viewing good TV channels: Too much TV watching may not be good, especially if the stuff is all of rubbish themes. But nothing much can be done about it, for TV has come to be a thing that is as inevitable as sleeping and waking. But, along with this, parents who are interested in getting their children to pick up the basics of English-speaking may make it a point that the children should strictly watch BBC news everyday for at least half an hour. This thing, which may be done as a part of the mental training for the family as a whole, can give the children real inputs with regard to ways and manners of English speaking, and give them the exposure to the right pronunciations. Above all, it could give them a view of the happenings in the world. BBC is recommended here, because it still remains the best in terms of many aspects of presentation, which also include the theme of the right-dignified posture.

On learning music: There are many things that a child, who is at a period in life when the brain is very fertile, can be made to learn. One is music. Let your child start learning a music instrument at an early age. Either put your child in a music school, during the evenings on odd days, or get him or her to learn from a private tutor. Skills learnt at an early age can do wonders, and will remain with them for a long time.

Learning computers: Another thing they can learn is that of computers. Actually learning to use computers is very easy. In fact it may be said that it is one of the easiest things among the so many things a man has to learn. It is so, because so much intelligence has been put into its development, that anybody with the most average intelligence can learn to use it within a short period of time. Only thing is that you should have a computer. Try to get a computer for your child.

Once you have a computer bought for your son or daughter, install games in it. Computer games are good, for they may develop the finer skills of the brain. However, there should be other things other than games also inside the computer.

Allow your child to use the computer with freedom, for unless somebody bangs on it with force, nothing will happen to it in ordinary circumstances. And if your child is taught to use the keyboard, then he or she can use it with ease. Other than teaching your child to paint on it, he or she can be taught to use the various manoeuvres in such applications as MS Word, MS PowerPoint, Adobe PhotoShop etc.

Learning typing skills: If possible install a typing tutor programme, on the computer. You may then instruct your son or daughter to practise on this program. If this is done, you will be surprised to note that the small child is picking up the basics of typing very fast. For, it may be remembered that typing speed will help in the fast use of computers.

Revering your child: Have a healthy respect for your child, and try to understand his or her compulsions. The atmosphere at home should be such that the children should feel free to communicate with the parents on whatever they want to speak about. In some families, the fathers feel it beneath their dignity to display an attitude of communication to their children. This is a very negative attitude, and is just a vestige of the old feudal systems once prevalent in our country.

Beyond all this, never use your child as a serving person to bring the odd things like a cup of water, a pen, a paper etc. These things can be asked for in a friendly tone, and not as one of command. Moreover, when the child asks you to get something like that, you should also oblige likewise.

Indoor games: There are so many indoor games that can be played at home. In these games, the parents can also participate with the children. When such games are being played, along with parental participation, the parents get a real opportunity to build up attitudes of sportsmanship, fairness, honesty, following the rules and its spirit, patience etc. in their children. But, here the parents have a real responsibility to display these qualities themselves, otherwise their negative attributes will immediately be picked up by their offspring, with an attitude of licence.

Actually, the parents should make it a point to use these games to condition these finer qualities in their children. Other than that, these games should be used to sharpen the qualities of intelligence, ingenuity, logic, sharpness, mental speed etc. Games that are traditionally used as indoor games include Snake and Ladder, Monopoly, Mastermind, Scrabble, Dominoes, Puzzles, Building Blocks, Chess etc. Though all games proceed on the basis of the competitive spirit in the participants, it should be noted that a trait of gambling should not be developed in the children, by the use of such incentives as money and other such incentives. And the parent should have an idea of the difference between games and gambling.

Solitary pursuits, as well as group activities: As the child grows up, there should be conscious effort to see that he or she is having enough movement among his or her friends, and at the same time putting equal interest in solitary pursuit like reading, studying etc.

Each child as a separate individual: As the children grow up, let them grow up as persons of individuality of their own, for it may be understood that everyone is ultimately different, having their own tastes and philosophies. Let a mentality of frankness and maturity be built in them. These attributes don’t come on their own, but from the parental attitude to them. If the parents and the other family members treat them as individuals of maturity, then they would exhibit such attributes. Otherwise, they would exhibit the lack of these qualities.

Parameters of masculinity as well as of femininity: Now, it may be understood that boys should grow up with masculinity and girls with femininity. But, this masculinity should be moulded with the mental attitudes of social etiquette, culture and refinement; and femininity should be sharpened with the attributes of courage, courtesy, and dignity.

Examples and exemplary stances: Moreover the parents should induce the qualities of truthfulness, sense of commitment, punctuality, neatness, polite behaviour, feelings of compassion, honesty etc. in these growing individuals. This they can do best by practising these qualities themselves to the world at large. But how the ordinary bureaucrats of our country are going to display such qualities to anyone, being seeped in corruption themselves, is a moot question. For, they always must bear in mind that whatever dishonesty they do in their professional capacity, there will be a price to pay, at the end. Retribution may come in the guise of children.

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