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March of the Evil Empires!
English versus the feudal languages!!
VED from VICTORIA INSTITUTIONS
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Anchor 1
First drafted in 1989. First online edition around 2000
It is foretold! The torrential flow of inexorable destiny!
Part 2 - Delineation of a feudal language nation
7. Women

Generally, Indian languages give secondary standards to women. However this is not uniform. Though a definite generalisation is not possible, the South Indian languages are generally more meaner to the women. However this statement is only about the persons who come in the lower indicant bracket. For the women who belong to the higher indicant level, this statement does not mean anything. For example, in Malayalam, the lower indicant words used for she are Avaal, a derogatory word and used in reference to women of low social standing. [In Malabari, the word is Oal]


Now who does the measurement? The other persons in the society. It can be a terrible power for the outsider to measure a person and pronounce a measurement of a person’s social value, in such a short and crisp manner. Nobody can restrain another person in this. Once a woman is judged as of lower social value, the whole package of lower indicant words get packed on her personality. The word Ningal (You) will metamorphosis into Nee, with a shocking speed. The word for For Her, turns from Avarkku to Avalkku, spontaneously.


The only person who can rise above the tyranny of these words, as a matter of right, is the government employee. For, the government employees have succeeded in establishing their right to the upper indicant words.


However, beyond the outer social factor, in husband-wife relations, intimacy has a vector component. I mean, there is a factor of direction in this relation. The wife is assigned the lower indicant words. The higher indicant words are reserved for the husband. Yet, this reservation is only between them. The outer world may or may not acknowledge these levels.


In a typical Indian family, where the whole structure is built up on the feudal hierarchy of the language, there are a lot of complicated strings of hierarchies, sometimes each of them mutually competing against each other.


Husband-Wife Relationship: First of all, let us consider the husband-wife relationship. It is not one based on friendship and equal partnership. For that would necessarily symbolise and also presuppose an equality in communication.


Generally, in Indian languages, the wife cannot address her husband by name, while the opposite is possible. It is not just a mere matter of calling by name, but that once a person is addressed by first name, the natural tendency in Indian languages is to use the more intimate forms for the words ‘You’ ‘He’ etc. When these are used with regards to one’s husband, may signify disrespect and insult. The husband can use the lesser form of address and reference for wife. However, the wife should consistently use respectful terms for her husband.


The situation is comparable to the communication between an adult and a child. Or between that of a master and his servant. For the words used are the same. So, in Indian languages, the husband-wife communication is the same as an adult-child or master-servant relation. Hence the society generally confers a corresponding status to women in general. Just like the master does not like his servant coming and interfering when he is conferring, men do not like women interfering when they are talking.


This is only a simple manner of putting it. The reality is a bit more complicated. Because, the woman herself would be in senior and junior positions to so many others, on the basis of age, financial position, career position, her husband’s social and official position etc. All these come into play, when the effective affect on the social understanding is to be reckoned. In fact, it is by a very careful and successful manipulation of social opinion that can help one arrive and survive on the top. However, survival is possible on the bottom, also. But, not a very enviable one.


Social mobility of Women: Now we come to why the common women of India are so lacking in social mobility. The fact is that they do have a mobility, which is consistent with the level that the language has given them. They can mix with others of their own level, which may not always be on par with the social value of their husband’s or of the family. For, in most cases, they live in a subordinate world allowed by the language. However, when it comes to moving in the world where their men are moving, then they do feel the difference.


Generally, one feels that the Indian male is more concerned with the fidelity of his wife than his counterpart in the English world. The self-contradiction of this understanding may be made clear here, as an allusion. It is believed by the average Indian that the women of the West are morally more loose, while Indian women are more homely and loyal. However, the understanding is also there that one cannot loosen the rein on the women in India. For if it is done, she will surely go astray.


Yet, the issue is a lot more complicated than just a factor of fidelity. The complications may be traced to the language.


The husband and wife exist as sort of team, with one a sort of Captain and the other a subordinate. When this team has to interact together with other individuals, then the same problems that the Indian languages cause when the servant and the master sit together with others, will crop up. Maybe not in the same level, but on similar lines.


Consider the following illustrative situations:


Situation A: The husband’s friends and close associates come home regularly to interact with the family. The wife is close to the husband mentally and her relation to him is as of a close friend. She also interacts with the regular social gathering in the house. Naturally, it is a very informal setting and the friends will definitely be using intimate forms of address to the husband. That is, of the lowest indicant level, which is also the term of least respect (i.e. disdain). Yet, that is what intimacy is! However the wife’s behaviour will stick out, as she consistently has to limit herself to the respectful level of communications. (That is not only to her husband, but also to all others who are on the level of her husband in age or position, or above him. To the lesser persons she may either use respectful formal terms or if she is impolite enough, may use the least respectful terms. But then, either of these choices would have entirely different social effects.) This atmosphere, if it is a regular one, becomes funny, heavy and uncomfortable and definitely not the one, one had in mind when a similar social situation in an English environment is imagined.


Situation B: If the wife is regularly conversing with outsiders in a non-English context, initially the others may refer to the woman’s husband in respectful terms, which are naturally not conducive for fast communication. Later on, the outsiders’ would switch on to the easier words of referring, which naturally are devoid of respect. This usually happens when she is dealing with a person who is superior compared to her husband, or one who is in a position wherein he can use less respectful terms without demur. Moreover, lower social level persons also, once they become a bit close, immediately shift to the lower indicant in a desperate attempt to raise their own social value. Naturally, no husband would like his wife to condone such words on a regular basis. However she may not be able to do anything about it other than to withdraw from such contacts. This is an action which has a cumulative effect of curbing her social contacts to persons who are also in the same subdued state. In all these discussions, I must remind the reader that these arguments don’t fully accommodate persons who are government employees.


Situation C: India is definitely divided into severe social strata. This has been the handiwork of the feudalism in the language. People are divided into classes, which are very much different from the social classes in the English World. This is due to the presence of the feudal language elements and the differing indicant words, in it. Earlier there were only castes in the South Asian Subcontinent. As of now, classes are coming up which are basically the initiation of new castes. The class structure is based on the language indicants used about them, what they use on other groups etc. Now coming to the issue of women: Consider a husband who moves in the higher social levels on account of his social standing, or his educational background, or official position, or his intellectual level etc. His wife should naturally move only on a level of persons who are consistent with this level. In many cases, it is not possible, for she would definitely be in a lower mental level on account of many factors. So, if the neighbour or his wife, who is below the husband in the social levels, mixes with her and becomes friendly, the terms of address and connected package of words may turn to the lower indicant levels.


Naturally it is the duty of the wife to mix intimately only with persons of his standing. However, when the neighbour and his wife start using the lower indicant, less respectful, more intimate tone, then it should disturb the wife. In which case, she would immediately withdraw from the contact. But if she is not disturbed, then the husband would be disturbed. For, it is not just a matter of a particular man and his wife using the terms. It is that once others of the same level hear it, they would also use the same words, which can cause the social death of the husband.


What I mean is that if the lower social or positional class neighbour and his wife address the wife by her name itself, that itself would cause severe distress to the husband. Also, the wife’s age may be less. Naturally, a man of her age may address her by name. However, this can be insulting to the husband. Remember there are no such usages that are equivalent to Mrs. in the Indian Languages. Naturally, the husband would like others to concede the superiority of the husband to the wife also, usually. That can be achieved and assured only by careful mixing and meticulously planned social interaction.


Situation D: If an outsider, like a shopkeeper, or a government official (they naturally do it), a bus conductor etc. starts addressing a person’s wife by her maiden name, then the husband would naturally be disturbed. For, this communication level either signifies an unwarranted intimacy or a disturbing dominance. This communication level is achieved by a combination of factors used in measuring a person. That is, her age, her financial position, her other general attributes like superior or inferior personal qualities. The person who does the measurement may do it from his own mean levels, wherein he conceives superiority in certain attributes, which he perceives to be lacking in this woman.


It is all disturbing. However, the people are in a sense attuned to it. Yet, in spite of that, once the addressing by name starts, before long the rest of the package for You, She, Her etc. will metamorphosis into the lower indicant. Once this is achieved by the other person, it is not easy to shrug off the dominance that comes along with the use of these words. No husband would condone it. He would find fault in her social manners. She would go into withdrawal or would rebel. Both without pleasing effects.


Situation E: When socially respected men see their wife, sisters, brothers, sons, daughters etc. on equal communication levels with persons of supposed lower levels, like Milk boys, Taxi drivers etc. in such a manner that there comes about a sort of equality in communication, then they get mighty disturbed. They can imagine the havoc in the indicant words that would take place not only between the persons involved in the communication, but also in the minds of all persons who sees or know about it. Decent imperturbable men, suddenly start behaving with a passion that they have never displayed before to check this social penetration. It depends on the quality of persons who surround him, to understand the issue in the right manner. If the persons, around him are sympathetic to the person who has done the social penetration, then he is in a mighty fine jam. For, all sorts of snide remarks and shocking accusations will be publicised about him. He would soon achieve a reputation as a highly suspicious man, or as a snob; or as of a highly unpredictable character etc. Yet, if the persons around him were also of the same classes, which dislike the intrusion of a socially inferior person into their circles, he would be admired for his brave attitude. In the former case, it might even add on to the fortunes of the wary, eager, bird-brained Indian Psychologist or Psychiatrists.


It must be mentioned that the effect mentioned here is very much dependant on certain words in the specific language. The effect may not be the same in all the Indian languages.


Situation F: Next is a very important theme. What I am going to tell is something that remains as a real undercurrent in family relations, and which has the power to curtail the wish of the husband to take his wife everywhere with him and also to allow her to move in circles where he is known in his professional capacity.


Husbands are assigned respect by the wife, and placed on a pedestal. However, the reality in the outside world would be starkly different. For, he may not get the same level of respect that his wife assigns him, from the outside world. Here he is subject to measurements made on his worth on various aspects. And thus, in his professional world, he is assigned a position, which in a majority of the cases, would be inconsistent with the respect and exalted position his wife places him in. He would not like his wife to see the evident character transformation, he has to regularly perform nor the humiliation he has to bear. So, he would allow access to his wife only to places where he gets an equal level of respect. To put it more forcefully, it means he has to actively discourage his wife from interacting in areas where he is regularly moving. This factor also reduces the wife’s ambit of interaction and movement.


In actuality, these are all very painful daily realities which persons from the higher and lower Middle Class have to endure, in their desperate attempt to stay in the Middle Class stratum. In a direct corollary to this, it might be added that persons who live in the very lower stratum are not hindered by this. For they are not used to respect from anywhere, in any word or usage. Hence any obsession or phobia, associated with respect fail to affect them at this level, in a severe manner.


What has been described here in great length and in basic terms are not small things, but social realities based on very specific language codes, or words, usage or sentences, that keep women in splendid isolation, inside the confines of the house. It must also be clarified that these ideas are just generalisations, and the specific realities differ according to the wordings and usage in different languages and also in differing dialects. Malayalam, gives more breathing space for the women than the does the Malabari language of Malabar. This is very much reflected in the social realities.


However it would be a mistake to believe that the language makes the women vulnerable only. For wherever they get the upper hand, they also take advantage of the language codes, and use it savagely to suppress those under them. (They have no other choice). As elder sisters-in-law, as mothers-in-law, as petty officials such as village officers in small-time places, as receptionists in small business organisations where they double as the boss’s word over the other employees and many other situations they take the advantage. So, it is not that one type of persons, or gender is better or better off than the other. Feudal language makes a person either a tyrant, or an acquiescent. These are not natural or innate personality traits.


Arranged marriages* in India


Now let us discuss the widely practiced system of arranged marriages in India. This system is considered by the modern developed world to be something that is connected to the individual family’s indoctrination. Actually it is not so. It is something that is intimately related to the requirements of social hierarchy established by language.


For, once a person is married to another person, then he or she becomes a part of a complex social hierarchy. Everyone in both the partner’s family and acquaintance are connected by a web of connections in which each person’s hierarchy should be correctly declared. So, when two persons are going to be married, then it should be made sure that the new set of relationship is going to be in agreement with the already existing pattern of relationships, in both the families.


For when two persons get married, it is not just them who are getting related. The groom’s younger brother, elder brother, his younger sister, his elder sister, his uncles, his aunts, his cousins etc. are getting into a web of hierarchy of relationships with those of the bride’s. Since the language would tend to fix each new relationship into a particular position, the actual social level emanating from their education, job, earnings, intellect etc should be of levels consistent with the new rearrangement. Otherwise, each time his brother meets her brother or sister, or his uncle meets her uncle or aunt, they would have difficulty in communicating with mental ease, just because they have been forced into relationships through someone else’s deed. Actually, because of this hierarchy in the language, most of the time people don’t interact with intimacy with other people who are not of their level. However, in a family-relationship they are forced to extend intimacy, even though they dislike the idea. Even sitting together in an informal family set-up could give rise to severe communication problems, if non-matching matrimonial relations take place.


Moreover, to whosoever the husband shows reverence, the bride should also show the same deference. This reverence the husband shows is not based on any feeling of appreciation of the other man’s intellect or some other admirable capacity, but more due to his own station in society. So also, the bride should be of that level so that she can also show the same level of reverence to that man without hurting her pride. [Please bear in mind that in feudal languages, giving respect to another person, is a self-deprecating action]. For, it must be understood that in this language situation, showing respect to somebody is not to be returned or reciprocated with the English level of understanding. Rather the language in return would be more of a belittling type. So marriages in India are not just an individual concern, but also one in which the whole society, in general and the whole families concerned, in particular take deep controlling interest.


Moreover when a person, who occupy a respectful position in society or is someone who is outside to the social system and is superior to the system, is marrying a girl, he would like to make sure that his bride’s brothers or brothers-in-law are of decent (in the context of social hierarchy) standing. Otherwise he himself would be referred to in other circles as the brother-in-law of the other person in deprecatory forms of the words “He”. Later on in the company of such persons, he would find it difficult to get himself be addressed in the right respectful terms. For, everyone in this society is preoccupied with measuring another with the help of whatever brief information available, and most of the time, the least of the aspects would be taken into the most consideration.


It is not easy to make understood the situation here, but to put it briefly, a person’s level is socially understood to be of his new relations in the area. In all social with regard to him, communication even if he not present, would be with reference to that level. All such actions as honouring of word, keeping a promise, doing a thing for him, politeness to him, in whose presence he should sit down etc. would be unconsciously regimented to be in sync with this level.


The whole procedure of prospecting for a bridegroom or a bride by the families is to establish that these things are in order. Like so many other things in India, these ideas are not declared in so many words by anyone. However it remains as the central core of all thoughts in arranged marriages. As such, the prospecting that goes prior to all arranged marriages is aimed at seeing that the right match, in terms of the culture established in the society by the language, is found.


This theme brings us to the realm of dowry*. Dowry is the money or assets that are given to the bridegroom by the bride’s parents when the marriage takes place. Here, in the feudal language set-up, this system has more meanings than just monetary help to the new couple. If the bridegroom is from a rich and feudal family, then naturally he would have a lot of servants and dependants and also persons and families that extend reverence and respect to him. The same respect and reverence shall be extended to the new bride only if they feel on their own measurement and judgement that she is of enough social and financial standing. This judging is also done by other members of the family who exists on various levels inside the family. So, dowry is a social action connected with language also.


Marriage of a girl


When a girl is married into a house, immediately this machinery of feudal positioning starts working. For, a new force and a factor, which will disturb the earlier arrangements and result in a new alignment of relations and feudal positioning, have entered. For some days, it is a tussle to establish who is on top. Words are appropriately assigned once it is established. Here it is a real competition, but it is absolutely non-tangible and with no external signs of a tussle, usually. In reality, most of the persons involved would be positioning themselves voluntarily. The new arrangement would depend on the cumulative effect of a lot of small factors. These include, among others, the girl’s job, the financial status of her house, the gold she is in possession of, the dowry she has brought, her physical stature, her mental toughness, the husband’s standing in the family, his financial position, his affinity to his wife etc. The same factors of the others also would be affecting the end-result. Here, it is not politeness that works, but brute forcing of mental strength. In truth, politeness is a negative attribute here. However, all these things are done at a very imperceptible level, and with a most deceitful charming manners.


Independence in Women


Ordinary Indian women, ladies or girls would not go out into the world alone. The ordinary English women may not find anything daunting or even special in doing so. They may go even on world travel alone. What protect them are the English language and the British identity.


It is possible that the reader may have not understood the significance of what I said above. He or she may identify that statement with some sort of “anglophilia” that has infected the author. That is not true. When an Indian girl, woman or lady goes out alone into the world, many people, both men and women, would start making their acquaintance with her. The initial questions put to her would invariably strive to measure her. They would want to know what she is, what is her family, what is her financial background, what is her education etc.


Suppose she says: I am a doctor. Well, then she immediately goes into the higher indicant word group. If she mentions a family name with a formidable reputation, then also she goes into the same group. If her education or job anything is of the higher type, then the language gives her a protection that cannot be envisaged in English. But suppose her answer is: I am in search of a job. My family is short of cash. My father is ill. I am from a good family but I don’t want to live with them etc. she loses the protection that the language extends. She moves into the lower indicant group. Once she is fixed in that group, she literally has no social protection, other than from any real friend she has. The real tragedy is that persons who exist on the lower indicant levels in society would use the lowest indicant words to this woman. The effect of this is to bring down the woman to a level, which is much lower than that of those persons. To the woman who is in the lower indicant group, if one is acquainted with her in a casual manner, one can ask questions, which one would never attempt with a woman, kept on the pedestal.


In Malayalam, there are certain words like: Edi, Eda etc., which can be used with the lower indicant group package of words, with stinging effect. [There is no equivalent words in English for such degrading words, which basically can subordinate another person].


Actually, this protection that is mentioned here is not for just women, but for all citizens of India. If one goes into the Police Station with a halo of the higher indicant group, then what one achieves there would be remarkable. At the same time, if one goes there with the lower indicant group address, then also what one receives there would be remarkable, but of a different quality. And quite terrifying.


Good family name, relatives who are in good bureaucratic positions, husband who is in a good government job or some other good social position, good house, financial clout, political clout, seniority in age etc. help a single woman, in varying levels, to go alone and meet the world in her own terms. Ordinary family name, relatives who are not in high level jobs, no significant financial capacity, dependence on another individual, lesser age etc. are things that weaken the armour of dignity on a woman’s personality, and make her most vulnerable. For, the local feudal language is highly partial in lending a cloak of protection to everybody. This effect is also something one may not understand from the English world.


In this regard, it may further be mentioned that in an English context one may say that a woman is of a specific bearing, and stature. This may be a sort of basic character of that woman. However, in an Indian woman, one cannot make such a generalised and fixed understanding. For, the same woman can and must exhibit a different bearing and demeanour, in accordance with the indicant words used about and towards her. For example, in Malayalam, if a woman were of decent social standing, then others would use the higher indicant words towards and about her. However, if in another social context, she were to have a different, and lower social-route address, then lower indicant words would be used in her context. Then her bearing automatically changes to bowing and obsequiousness. Otherwise, people would find something mentally wrong with her. To put it in more specific words, her personality on being address with Ningal, or Chechi, or Sar, or Madam, and referred to as Avar, Sar, Madam etc. would be entirely different from the personality when she is addressed as Nee and referred to by Aval, Oal, Avalkku, Oku etc. And it should be so. External words define her and also design her.


Intimacy between men and women


Likewise, whenever men and women talk and become informal friends, the language can at many times, assign superiority to the men. But then it must be admitted that many women do overturn the table and dominate. This is generally by two ways: one by making full use of the hierarchy in the language in the reverse order to full advantage. Or by being in a position of superiority and then practising aloofness and a mood of superiority, yet not allowing anybody to become informally intimate.


However much women try to claim equality, wherever the language medium is feudalistic, women are either subordinate or its exact opposite, i.e. horribly dominating. Horrible because the dominated man has to live in a man’s world, where if it is seen that he is under the tutelage of a tyrannical woman. Then his is a case of pathos.


Those women who do live above the stranglehold of the feudal language, risk the chance of being either despotic or recluses. They generally have persons from the lower social level as their secretaries, who treat them with unrefined servitude. If these women are persons who are in the public limelight for some reason, and are important enough that others need to come to them, then these secretaries become their confidants, advisor, and even managers. In the feudal set-up, where the outsiders would find it difficult to address or even to refer to her by her name with or without a Mrs. or Miss prefixed, they would be forced to address her as Sar, Madam, Madamji etc. Tthis halo of the lady would fall on the secretary also, whereby he or she would also rise high in society as a sort of Saar, Saab, Maadam or MemSaab.


In India, thus, man-woman romantic partnership is not one of equality. Herein lies another features of Indian society. Women cannot mix around much without losing face. For in every relation of some level of intimacy, she is reduced to an inferior position. Hence, Indian women, when they do want to mix around freely with a man, would like to be assured that he is a man of relative superior or at least equal standard. Women who do not follow this golden rule would suffer heavily for the breach.


This factor itself does stand as a deterrent to more interacting living standards. However, there is another reality. With most of the women not really interacting with the society, as an average man does, their knowledge of social realities is very simplistic and more based on the written word and spoken themes. And not very deep. An average man is superior to them in many aspects of mobility, exposure and social experience.


Men’s attitude to women & its effect on women


A women who speaks English in India, and moves with the higher English speaking group would think that it is her ability that gives her the freedom that she posses. Actually, it is the attitude of the others around her that gives her the freedom. These others can be both men as well as women.


If the same woman is moving among a vernacular group, and she is treated as a subordinate by them, then all her claims of mental capacity would disappear. The very first letter of address You will restrain all the so-called freedom and her proclaimed personal capacity would vanish. In its stead, a highly vulnerable woman would remain. But then all women who live in the higher society consciously or subconsciously know this, and make very careful social moves to see that one does not get subordinated to a vernacular crowd. Persons who unfortunately can’t successfully do that become examples of pathos.


Actually, as in the case of men, women also require the right type of communication to function in society. In a social scene where, crude lower indicant words are ruthlessly used, women would find it very difficult to function, as in an English setting. But then they resort to the easiest way of achieving a social equilibrium. They just seek and find someone over whom they can use the lower indicant words, and thus be in a respectful social level in a particular social area.


So, as a corollary to this psychological effect, one may say that it is a bit of a nuisance to deal with the women who are existing on the lower side of the indicants. For, these persons are desperately searching for some scapegoats. In their mean and mediocre measuring methodology, if a person may not seem high enough, they without qualms resort to the meanest indicant words to any new person they accost. This factor also adds up to the general hesitation of higher group persons to interact with the lower group persons.


Figure


Women in India, and also generally in the orient, tend to display a tendency to corpulence. This is generally seen after marriage and delivery. Or, with middle age. The corpulence is of a type, which is different from that of the English woman. This type of corpulence has a lot to do with the language structure. In the Indian languages, one needs to look one’s age. Otherwise, the respect expected for that age would not be forthcoming.


Another thing worthy of comment here is the look of terrible deprivation or some sort of mental inferiority that is seen in the face of many women in India. I have seen this expression on the faces of many women who otherwise belong to the higher financial classes, yet live in terribly stifled feudal situations. In these households, each addressing to them is as if to a very unintelligent, menial servant, and the whole affect of this makes them turn into living nightmares.


I remember an incident in Bangalore*, that happened many years ago. One lady of around 35, who lived in a very English setting there, was addressed by a Malayalee girl of about 20 years as aunty (anti). The elder lady was very much disturbed by this; and a scene erupted. She told the younger girl in very specific language to address her by her maiden name or with a Mrs. prefixed. Now, this was a clear departure from what the Malayalee girl had been taught. In her language program, even if the other woman was only a few years older, she should be addressed as Chechi, Akka, Anti or something to that effect. Addressing an elder woman by her name, maiden, or otherwise was a strikingly different social communication. By Malayalam standards, a very despicable behaviour.


In Malayalam, ladies take pain to achieve a classical matronly physical structure. Tthe slow flowing bodily movement that comes along with respectable positions, also help in building up a corpulent body.


Love Marriages


Love marriages are not a good thing in many sections of the Indian society. The language system promotes arranged marriages. There are many aspects to it. Most of them need not be discussed here as the understandings of them are in the previous pages. Here I will deal on one minor aspect, which may not have been said in so many words, even though the understanding is there in the previous pages.


Each level of social class has a definite level of social freedom. This literally translates into the level of freedom of articulation, level of freedom to mix casually and at a social equality, and level of freedom to sit and talk etc.


When a girl marries a man, she is under him. At the same time, she is also under the same social level at which her husband exists. Whatever restrictions of communication and movement, the husband suffers, she too would have to suffer. The whole system of prospecting that goes in a sort of automatic manner in an arranged marriage, is to see that the social level that the girl is going to be in, is in accordance to or better than what she has been living till date. Once the girl disregards this and goes and marries someone she fancies, this protection that the prospecting process gives is not there, and the chance of a mentally restricted living condition emerging comes up.


Yet, there is another side to this also. The girl’s family need not always seek for the ultimate happiness of a girl. For, inside Indian families, there are deep psychological competitions and social requirements, for which the girl may be made a scapegoat. So, a really intelligent girl when seeking for a marriage from beyond the realms of arranged marriages could even hit a jackpot if she is very much aware of what are the correct social factors that are in operation.